Thursday, January 24, 2013

Hi. My Name is Jeanna and I'm Boring.

I have a confession. I'M BORING. I go to work Monday through Friday. I sit at a desk. Then I go home. I have kids and dogs. When I’m at work I daydream about boring things like naps. My favorite way to spend an evening is in front of my wood burning stove, maybe with a dog on me, next to my fiancĂ©. Eating. He is also boring. We are monogamous. I don’t even drink.

 Hell, I don’t even eat bacon.

I’m boring and that’s why people like me.


Image provided by
We live in a world that has become so impersonal and so segregated from the community, that people all feel crazy. They feel alone. They feel lost. And they feel hopelessly “different”. Human beings were meant to be communal animals. Being with others is an integral aspect of our ability to be alone. We derive our consciousness of self through the reflections of others. We learn “self” reflection by acknowledging our likenesses with others. From viewing “without” we gain insight to “within”. And this ability to self reflect, well, “sapience”, “to know”, is a vital part of being a “homo sapien”.

I turn on the TV at home and see a show about people who write parking tickets. We make dinner with Honey Boo Boo’s family. We go tuna fishing with a group of strange guys. Why? Are these lives really more interesting than our own? Why do we care about things that aren’t that interesting? Why do we care about people like ourselves?

Simply, because, we can relate.

We live in a world that moves fast. We have the ability to access so much knowledge of so many interesting things. Most of us possess this ability in the palm of our hands. We, for the first time in history, are able to know how NOT interesting we all are. Most of us live simple lives. So, when we see a glimmer of recognition in the mediocrity of someone else’s life, we cling to it. We cling to it and breathe a sigh of relief that we aren’t missing out on a life better lived.

And the more we get to know each other, the more we delve past the surface and begin to explore and reflect, we realize; despite the similarities of our mediocre lives, it is our individual experiences and our ability to share them, that makes us uniquely interesting… and human.

***Dedicated to Mary, who says I'm not interesting.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

How I wooed him in.

As most folks know, Mr. P and I met on Facebook. But it was not the online dating experience one might expect. 

He was FB friends with my ex husband's cousin. They went to prom together back in the days when everyone was skinny and he had a giant high school porn star mustache. I've seen the pictures. She looked stoned and he had a protruding adam's apple and bad posture. 

He added me because I made him laugh. I imagine he spent all day, as a stay at home dad, online waiting for pics of her to pop up so that he could read our commentaries. Knowing this made me want to delve into the past and find his first comments. Back when he called me "she" (because he was posting on my pics that Cousin was tagged in). Back to the beginning of how we met. Mr. P and me, and apparently, we started with a duckface....

Comments on this picture, July 1, 2009:
Me: I would prefer to be Latoya.  

Cousin: I've always been Penny therefore I am Janet. 
Me: Ms. Jackson ( I'm nasty) 
Cousin: Nasty pretty much sums us up. 
Me: yep. 
Cousin: 'tonite, I'm livin in a fantasy, my own little nasty world, tonite, dontcha wanna come w me, do u think I'm a nasty girl!' 
Me: Who's that thinkin' nasty thoughts? 
Cousin:who's dancin 2 my nasty groove?! 
Cousin: I hate u. U r photogenic. I have 2 b appreciated in person. good thing I dnt need 2 do any internet dating! 
Me: No my first name ain't baby... 
Cousin: ...sittin in the movie show thinkin nasty thoughts. 
Cousin: i was channeling some Vanity 6 earlier. much nastier, more our speed. 
Me: I don't like no nasty car, I don't like a nasty food! 
Me: Hey, what was the hateful comment stuck in there? U r gorgeous! 
Cousin: lol! yeah but i take crappy pics. it was a compliment!! 'hate' meaning 'love'. kinda like how 'no' means 'yes'! 
Me: Right! As long as they're wet!
Cousin: OMG! we r TOTALLY sharing a brain 2day! I was gonna put that in next! I swear! Why did those Drs ever separate us and adopt us out 2 diff families in the first place?? Damn them! Damn them all 2 hell! ...and they took our brother [other fb friend] away as well, which was prob a good thing since he has no reservations about sibling sex.
Me: he's scerry. 
Me: so r we actually related to [ex-husband]? maybe im more like [fb friend] than i want to admit... 
Cousin: no, [ex-husband] was found in the dumpster behind Fraser Ice Arena. That's why he doesn't look like us. [fb friend] is frightening but we are more dangerous. 
Me: oh so its not even weird that he is madly in love with you! 
Cousin: Right! Damn, i was gonna mention that 2. The 'force' is strong btwn us 2nite 

THE ENTRY OF MR. P: 1st of all, very cute pic!!! 2nd,,,,,, reading this, you two need a comedy show!!!! You two ROCK!!!!! Or a reality show, could you emagine???? LOL

Cousin: Yes I could imagine bcz we r funny, but it would have 2 be an internet routine since we are at our funniest online. 
Mr: P: Oh to be fly on the wall!!!! 
Me: i know a web designer.... 
Me: [Cousin], we should set up a website. I'm serious. We will be billionaires. I could finally buy the team of cabana boys I've been saving up for. You could have fried chicken every night. And pay naked men to oil up and mow your lawn. Things would be perfect. 
Me: [Mr.P]r would be our first web customer for sure.

That was it. From that moment he was hooked. He would like all my photos for the next 2 years. He would "laugh his butt off" and give {{hugs}} whenever I was sad. Cousin and I would tease him, calling him "Norman Rockwell" with his statuses about his kids and cleaning and how he loved them, God, his country and fuzzy animals everywhere. I would roll my eyes at "Mr. Perfect."

And tell him to  "stop being so obviously, in love with me."

On August 14, 2011 we met for lunch. Just because we talked so much online we might as well. It wasn't a date. It was a curiosity. It was a whythehecknot. It was a wehavebecomefriends. And I knew. I knew right then and there as I said "hi", I would marry the guy. I didn't know when or how, but I knew I would.

So...Happy birthday Mr. Perfect. I love you and am so glad you thought I was funny! May I always make you laugh.

And the reason I started My Children Think I'm Perfect, to deal with

July 1, 2009:  
Mr. P: She just ruined this pic!!!

 Me: not if u saw the bottom half...

Our first photo together 2011